Never Again

I've known the angry kisses of a tack hammer against the bones of my ankles
And the chill of an un-dulled needle placed lovingly between the bones of my spine
The nausea and ecstasy of blood fighting to escape your body at all cost
The pain and weight of giving in to fear before an audience of peers
The shame of ambition and greed placed on the wall in the shadow of honesty
The chaos of having it all stripped, signed, and filed away in the offices of the gods
And the terrible unforgivable depression of youth.

But never again will I be such a fool, as to forget the immeasurable pain that can be summoned from a few simple words.

Colder than that pole.

A mechanical ache hangs on me like a cloak on nights like this.
No twist or pivot aids me, but like and addicted fool I gnarl myself into an old oak branch.
A gentle throat clears itself, leaving a bullet hole in the silence. It bleeds.

The sharp clicking of silver against glass foretells the cold flood that washes the ash and tension from my chest.
Pink and black steal my plans for the night. I let them.

No matter how deep into the smell of nature you may trek, you will come across the stink of shit.
Welcome to earth.

Awaiting

No one knows how cold it gets
in the space between my skin
and my clothes.

Wild and unkempt darkness
entangles and shields
I know they are out there
Those kisses I need to live
But darkness first
Never second

I come to terms
These times are important
When all of life's flavors feel gray

Stages of emotional celibacy
Always seem to make that first break
In the darkness
When the color and lips and warmth
All come flooding, tearing, and trampling
me back to my senses.